Well, another night here at work. I'm actually enjoying the graveyard shift...much quieter and I am just learning to be content with what shifts I can get at this point. The admin and everyone has gone out of their way to do what they can for me, and I am really grateful for it. :-)
I did discover today that the resident that was doing so poorly yesterday, did pass on. I keep thinking this death should bother me more and shock me a bit. After all, when I first saw her and talked to her yesterday she was totally fine. And yet in a short time period she was in distress and after that barely hanging on to life. It all happened so fast, no one could of predicted it would have happened yesterday... craziness. Yet, though we mourn for the loss of her physical presence here with us, we rejoice for her, and celebrate not the end, but a new beginning. Tonight is a good night...I dont hurt as bad inside..not as anxious, not feeling so crazy. I like it when my soul is at peace...now if only I can convince my restless mind. :-) God is so good and so faithful. After work yesterday I thought of one of my favorite psalms..Psalm 73:

23 Nevertheless I am continually with thee: thou hast holden me by my right hand.

24 Thou shalt guide me with thy counsel, and afterward receive me to glory.

25 Whom have I in heaven but thee? and there is none upon earth that I desire beside thee.

26 My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever.

If you look back over what the psalm is about, the Psalmist is struggling--he sees the wicked of the world and how they prosper and then he looks inward at his struggles and the struggles of the righteous. My favorite line from there is when the Psalmist says --2 But as for me, my feet were almost gone; my steps had well nigh slipped.
I know for me so often as I struggle day to day with my thoughts and with daily life things, I know how easy it is to almost slip. Whether its in not remembering God, or not being as faithful, to having trouble sustaining leaders. I think so often, my feet almost slip from underneath me and I almost stumble to the ground and wonder as the psalmist did--

13 Verily I have cleansed my heart in vain, and washed my hands in innocency.

14 For all the day long have I been plagued, and chastened every morning.

15 If I say, I will speak thus; behold, I should offend against the generation of thy children.

16 When I thought to know this, it was too painful for me;

Then the Holy Ghost brings to remembrance (as He is so good at often doing) all that God has done for me, all the promises from Him that I have, all the blessings I have to be grateful for. Then even the darkest moments seem light, even the hardest struggles become light. And then...I too can cry out WHOM HAVE I IN HEAVEN BUT YOU? I know for a surety that I am well taken care of. That God is faithful and will protect me, guide me, direct me. That he will not leave me to the wolves and to the ravages of dark, cold nights. He will be my light, my shield, my portion. There is no other place to find such great truth, no other Church that has priesthood keys to open the Heavens. God is so faithful, so loving, so long-suffering.

Another song from Lifehouse that I felt appropriate for the mood..its called Storm

How long have I been in this storm?
So overwhelmed by the ocean's shapeless form
Water's getting harder to tread
With these waves crashing over my head
If I could just see you
Everything would be all right
If I'd see you
This darkness would turn to light

And I will walk on water
And you will catch me if I fall
And I will get lost into your eyes
I know everything will be alright
I know everything is alright

I know you didn't bring me out here to drown
So why am I ten feet under and upside down
Barely surviving has become my purpose
Cause I'm so used to living underneath the surface

If I could just see you
Everything would be all right
If i'd see you
This darkness would turn to light
And I will walk on water
And you will catch me if I fall
And I will get lost into your eyes
And everything will be alright

And I will walk on water
You will catch me if I fall
And I will get lost into your eyes
I know everything will be alright
I know everthing is alright
Everything is alright
Everything is alright